Complications (and, no, not that kind... hopefully)

Ah, the perils of not being able to drive.

I've always touted the best advantage of living in New York City: not needing a car. At all. Even if you live in the outer boroughs, there's a good chance you can get by without ever having to step for into a personal automobile. Subways and buses take care of your every travel need.

In fact, it's often better not to have one. For example, say you happen to live through one of the snowiest winters in New York history, and your partner's car is conveniently parked on the street during each snowstorm. Well, hey: she doesn't have to get up to move the car for alternate-side-of-the-street parking, not the day after the blizzard: and that's great. (She's used to moving the car at least twice a week. Like most car-owning New Yorkers.)

No, but when you do want to get that car out of its parking spot, there's all this ice and snow that's blocking it in. The city plows have kindly offered to protect your car from... you. And being partially blind is not a good excuse for not digging out the car, especially when your partner happens to be "with child."

Still, if you do live in the boroughs, it's great to be able to jump in the car now and then and head to Ikea or, say, the independent pet shop on the other side of the park. Walking and subways won't quite take you everywhere, once you leave the island of Manhattan.

So, naturally, since we have a car, we should use it to get to the hospital's delivery room, when the big day comes. Right? Except, I can't do the driving. That's one problem. The other problem is that no one else around here -- none of our friends -- can drive. It's New York. Many have licenses, but few actually take them out, except to prove that they're old enough to drink. And you really shouldn't drink when you drive. Seriously. Don't.

So, we'll be calling a car service. We'll also be looking for a spot in a parking lot, where we can keep the car. 'Cause, after all, what if she goes into labor on a Monday night, and she's parked in a move-it-on-Tuesday-and-Friday-spot? I certainly can't move it. Family will want to be at the waiting room. Friends would drive the car into fire hydrants. The tetras are far too small, and fish are rarely granted licenses.

Very, very complicated. I don't know how drivers deal with all this. We should all be transported around by giant, floating jellyfish. And if you don't know what I'm talking about there, it's probably not worth explaining.