No one expects the goalie to be blind. I live to defy such expectations.
Partial or otherwise, blindness is usually a disadvantage when it comes to playing sports. There are plenty of exceptions to this: a marathon runner, a dog-sled racer, and an old friend who plays basketball comes to mind. Due to my 6+ foot height, people used to expect that I'd be good at basketball. I'm not. It's not because of blindness; you need coordination first.
Really, I was never good at sports, even before I lost the center of my vision. I had enough trouble catching, throwing, and running. Once I lost the ability to see the baseball or the football, the game was pretty much over. Even once I reached my full height and started to become comfortable with my build, the coordination improved dramatically, but I still couldn't really follow a ball. So, I stuck to watching pro sports on TV and listening to sports talk radio, and left the playing to those better equipped.
Then, a few years ago, a friend called me up with a strange proposition. He and a bunch of my friends were going to rent an ice rink, in the suburbs of Philadelphia, and show up with a bunch of brooms and a few old tennis balls.
"I can't skate," I quietly protested.
"We're not going to skate," he explained. "We're going to walk on the ice with our shoes. They're going to leave the ice all chewed up for us, so we won't slip around too much. We'll play hockey with the brooms. The goalies get push brooms."
The game is called Broomball. It has few or no rules, and no one keeps score. Legend has it that a bunch of drunk Canadians were sweeping out an attic once, when they found a ball and decided to play hockey with it on the frozen pond. It's popular in patches of the United States now, and most of the players I know live in sunny, warm Los Angeles.
I play the game every year, right around Christmas. For the most part, I tend goal. I did try playing out on the open ice once or twice, but I'm too slow on the ice to ever get near the ball. This is not a problem at the goal.
You may wonder, "How can a not-not-blind guy play goalie?" The answer is, not very well. I have a habit of letting in the shot that is right in front of me, and my reflexes border on lame. However, I'm better than most people, including myself, expect. My peripheral vision gives me quick reaction to stuff that comes out of the corner of my eye, and I can almost always tell exactly where the ball is from watching the rest of the players. My spatial reasoning is good enough that I'm just about always between the ball and the goal.
This all adds up to a consistent pattern. I can keep the ball out of the goal for the first twenty or twenty-five minutes I play, and then things start to go downhill. As members of the defense get tired and people start getting more unchallenged shots on goal, I start6 breaking down -- mostly because it's tough to clear the ball out when you can't really see it. I get a bunch of saves during the game; I don't keep track of how many. Again, this is a sport where nobody keeps score.
I'm not sure how many of my fellow players know that I'm partly blind, and there's something comforting about the fact that nobody comes up to me, open mouthed, stunned that I can block a goal at all successfully. People have far too much fun playing the game to think about such things. SO do I.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Behind the Mask
Last night, a friend mentioned that after having seen the Saturday Night Live sketch, she wondered what bad thing Paterson had done to be ridiculed like that. It was an honest question. Most of the time, that kind of satire comes from the need to attack someone who abuses power.
A bunch of people have been asking about what kind of a governor David Paterson actually is. Bill Moyers interviewed him on the budget, and it's worth watching (at least a little of it):
David Paterson on PBBS
My main issue with the budget is the education cuts. (Disclaimer: These cuts affect me directly. Most of my employment is in some way connected to public education.) The public schools are one of those "invest now to spend less later" things; when you cut back on education funding, you end up costing the state a lot more down the road. Same goes for preventative health care, which only Obama and Huckabee even mentioned during the campaign.
I have other qualms about the budget, but the main point that Paterson makes is hard to dispute: namely, that we have to balance the budget, and there's no pain-free way to do it. You can't faul him for being too honest or reasonable. As far as abuse of power goes... well, hey, he hasn't been in office too long. So far, so good.
Makes you wonder why SNL decided to go there.
A bunch of people have been asking about what kind of a governor David Paterson actually is. Bill Moyers interviewed him on the budget, and it's worth watching (at least a little of it):
David Paterson on PBBS
My main issue with the budget is the education cuts. (Disclaimer: These cuts affect me directly. Most of my employment is in some way connected to public education.) The public schools are one of those "invest now to spend less later" things; when you cut back on education funding, you end up costing the state a lot more down the road. Same goes for preventative health care, which only Obama and Huckabee even mentioned during the campaign.
I have other qualms about the budget, but the main point that Paterson makes is hard to dispute: namely, that we have to balance the budget, and there's no pain-free way to do it. You can't faul him for being too honest or reasonable. As far as abuse of power goes... well, hey, he hasn't been in office too long. So far, so good.
Makes you wonder why SNL decided to go there.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Ask a Blind Guy, Part 4
Q: How do you make a Venetian blind?
A: Good question. It’s a bit time-consuming, but well worth the effort. Here’s how:
First, make a series of long, thin flaps that are the width of your window. Make small holes at either end of the flaps, three on each side. The flaps can be made of treated wood, plastic, or any other weather-resistant hard material.
Next, use thin but durable string to tie together the flaps. The holes will come in handy for that.
Once the flaps are strung together, build a contraption for the top of the window that will hold up the flaps and leave strings dangling to lift the flaps all the way to the top or simply open and close them. Attach this contraption, along with the flaps, to a window that faces due west. Leave the flaps down and closed.
Finally, invite a native of Venice to your home, for the stated purpose of watching the sun set on a clear day. As he approaches the window, quickly open the blinds so that the sun shines directly into his eyes. Force him to stare at the sun for at least twelve minutes. If, after this, he can still see, poke out his eyes with a pen knife. That should do the trick.
A: Good question. It’s a bit time-consuming, but well worth the effort. Here’s how:
First, make a series of long, thin flaps that are the width of your window. Make small holes at either end of the flaps, three on each side. The flaps can be made of treated wood, plastic, or any other weather-resistant hard material.
Next, use thin but durable string to tie together the flaps. The holes will come in handy for that.
Once the flaps are strung together, build a contraption for the top of the window that will hold up the flaps and leave strings dangling to lift the flaps all the way to the top or simply open and close them. Attach this contraption, along with the flaps, to a window that faces due west. Leave the flaps down and closed.
Finally, invite a native of Venice to your home, for the stated purpose of watching the sun set on a clear day. As he approaches the window, quickly open the blinds so that the sun shines directly into his eyes. Force him to stare at the sun for at least twelve minutes. If, after this, he can still see, poke out his eyes with a pen knife. That should do the trick.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Responses
Thought you might be interested in the discussion that broke out on another website, in reaction to my last post. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. And if you're wondering who, really, is innocent in this world, you are the only one who has ever had that thought. Ever.
Re: Live From New York, It's Deeply Offensive
Sally: I saw it and was completely offended - such poor taste and not at all funny. Thanks for posting.
Meredith: that was an amazing blog post. I don't live in NY anymore, but when he stepped into office for Gov. last year, i was elated. I've heard the employer's jaw drop, and have spent my whole career not only trying to prove to men in m sexist field that I am just as capable of them to do the job, but also I can do it just as well while being legally blind.
SNL is really good at making fun of Bush, but when it comes to the blind jokes and albinism jokes they sure fail horribly.
It hurts me that if they did this same skit but had them playing a mentally retarded person the people who are the heads of the disability act would be in an uproar about it and have SNL give a public apology.... why can't the blind get the same back-up?
Mariam: I saw it, and frankly, I found it hilarious. That's what comedy is all about folks. Some things are just NOT PC. Comedy is deadly serious and it's never been about being politically correct. That's what makes it funny. There are only a few topics that are really NEVER funny. Abortion and rape are two of those. Aaaanyway, for another hilarious video from SNL go to their website and search for "Lawrence Welk"
Mariam: By the way, the sketch did not call him a freak.*
Meredith: oh believe me, i laugh at things. Please, I have albinism. I'm always the evil villain in every movie that has "an albino". I go nuts when people freak out about the smallest things. I was for the movie "blindness" and felt people over-reacted to it, and when others freak out about the evil albinos i normally fight back with "it's not always about us."
This sketch, however, I didn't laugh once. I didn't walk away furious, like I did with "Not Another Teen Movie", but i didn't think they did a good job in the "funny" department either.
Josiah: agreed. ideally, Patterson will do the show when it returns in Jan. and get some free press.
*True, he doesn't say, "I am a freak." He does compare himself with people with a "gamy arm" and refer to the "freak-bag," where he plans to get his senate appointment. Then he announces that he wil pull his own name out of the freak-bag. Yup. He does not call himself a freak.
Re: Live From New York, It's Deeply Offensive
Sally: I saw it and was completely offended - such poor taste and not at all funny. Thanks for posting.
Meredith: that was an amazing blog post. I don't live in NY anymore, but when he stepped into office for Gov. last year, i was elated. I've heard the employer's jaw drop, and have spent my whole career not only trying to prove to men in m sexist field that I am just as capable of them to do the job, but also I can do it just as well while being legally blind.
SNL is really good at making fun of Bush, but when it comes to the blind jokes and albinism jokes they sure fail horribly.
It hurts me that if they did this same skit but had them playing a mentally retarded person the people who are the heads of the disability act would be in an uproar about it and have SNL give a public apology.... why can't the blind get the same back-up?
Mariam: I saw it, and frankly, I found it hilarious. That's what comedy is all about folks. Some things are just NOT PC. Comedy is deadly serious and it's never been about being politically correct. That's what makes it funny. There are only a few topics that are really NEVER funny. Abortion and rape are two of those. Aaaanyway, for another hilarious video from SNL go to their website and search for "Lawrence Welk"
Mariam: By the way, the sketch did not call him a freak.*
Meredith: oh believe me, i laugh at things. Please, I have albinism. I'm always the evil villain in every movie that has "an albino". I go nuts when people freak out about the smallest things. I was for the movie "blindness" and felt people over-reacted to it, and when others freak out about the evil albinos i normally fight back with "it's not always about us."
This sketch, however, I didn't laugh once. I didn't walk away furious, like I did with "Not Another Teen Movie", but i didn't think they did a good job in the "funny" department either.
Josiah: agreed. ideally, Patterson will do the show when it returns in Jan. and get some free press.
*True, he doesn't say, "I am a freak." He does compare himself with people with a "gamy arm" and refer to the "freak-bag," where he plans to get his senate appointment. Then he announces that he wil pull his own name out of the freak-bag. Yup. He does not call himself a freak.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Live From New York, It's Deeply Offensive
I just got around to this week's NBC Saturday Night Live. The Weekend Update sketch about David Paterson was... well... Here, if you haven't seen it, judge for yourself:
Seen it? Good. Here we go:
I didn't find this funny. If you did (and I'm sure many did), this doesn't make you an anti-blind bigot. People who laughed at Amos and Andy weren't necessarily racists. We instinctively respond to stereotypes that are ingrained in the culture, and there's nothing conscious about a laugh. We don't choose what we find funny and don't.
Having said that, this ranks as one of the most offensive portrayals of a disabled person in the history of television. It's garbage like this that makes it hard for people like me to get a job. I'm lucky enough to have several right now, but it took a hell of a lot of work to get them, and I'm in the vast minority.
The first problem is the cheap laugh. I would be the first to admit that the governor occasionally appears disoriented. I probably do too (although, my vision being superior, not nearly as often). He is not actually disoriented. He has a facile mind, an outstanding memory, and one of the sharpest wits in politics. He would have written a much funnier sketch.
Besides, making fun of someone who appears to be disoriented because he's mostly blind is a little like making fun of FDR for being wheelchair-bound. It's not funny on its own. Now, if you're writing a Sketch where FDR's wheelchair gives him super powers... or if Paterson were secretly Daredevil... I don't know. But the mere fact of his looking a little lost is just a crappy thing he has to deal with.
Next, the governor is not a "freak." He is blind in one eye and mostly blind in the other. He also has degrees from an Ivy League university and a law school, but was turned down from his first job because they didn't think he could handle it. Maybe they thought he was a freak.
Third, Governor Paterson was not"comically unprepared" to become the governor of New York State. He was the Lieutenant Governor. He was the minority leader of the New York State Senate, a veteran of public service for over twenty years, and one of the only Albany politicians people actually liked or respected. Upon being thrust into office (yes, by a sex scandal), he quickly made peace with the Republicans in the state senate. And while Albany has since returned to its usual bickering, Paterson has already proposed his recession-minded budget, weeks ahead of schedule.
Most bizarre to me, the sketch gets a few things just plain wrong. It implies that Paterson is from upstate. He's from Harlem. It also refers to him "loving cocaine," and, yes, he admitted to having done it. How many politicians have admitted that now? Isn't that a requirement for office? He doesn't do it anymore. And the implication that he's often in the middle of sex scandals is a funny idea in itself, considering that the only one who ever reported that he cheated on his wife was him.
Governor Paterson is not perfect, and Saturday Night Live is not evil. Paterson is considering cutting the education budget by nearly $700 million, and SNL put on a vaguely funny sketch about a lamp musical. I can't help but think, though, of those ridiculously low employment numbers for the blind and deaf, and then wonder if Lorne Michaels and company have any idea what it's like to mention the words "partially blind" or "Legally blind" and hear a potential employer's jaw drop from across the room.
David A. Paterson, odd as he may look, is the nation's most prominent advocate for the rights of the disabled. It's offensive enough to make cheap jokes at the expense of his eyesight. It's even worse to reinforce the stereotype that faulty eyes imply a faulty mind.
Seen it? Good. Here we go:
I didn't find this funny. If you did (and I'm sure many did), this doesn't make you an anti-blind bigot. People who laughed at Amos and Andy weren't necessarily racists. We instinctively respond to stereotypes that are ingrained in the culture, and there's nothing conscious about a laugh. We don't choose what we find funny and don't.
Having said that, this ranks as one of the most offensive portrayals of a disabled person in the history of television. It's garbage like this that makes it hard for people like me to get a job. I'm lucky enough to have several right now, but it took a hell of a lot of work to get them, and I'm in the vast minority.
The first problem is the cheap laugh. I would be the first to admit that the governor occasionally appears disoriented. I probably do too (although, my vision being superior, not nearly as often). He is not actually disoriented. He has a facile mind, an outstanding memory, and one of the sharpest wits in politics. He would have written a much funnier sketch.
Besides, making fun of someone who appears to be disoriented because he's mostly blind is a little like making fun of FDR for being wheelchair-bound. It's not funny on its own. Now, if you're writing a Sketch where FDR's wheelchair gives him super powers... or if Paterson were secretly Daredevil... I don't know. But the mere fact of his looking a little lost is just a crappy thing he has to deal with.
Next, the governor is not a "freak." He is blind in one eye and mostly blind in the other. He also has degrees from an Ivy League university and a law school, but was turned down from his first job because they didn't think he could handle it. Maybe they thought he was a freak.
Third, Governor Paterson was not"comically unprepared" to become the governor of New York State. He was the Lieutenant Governor. He was the minority leader of the New York State Senate, a veteran of public service for over twenty years, and one of the only Albany politicians people actually liked or respected. Upon being thrust into office (yes, by a sex scandal), he quickly made peace with the Republicans in the state senate. And while Albany has since returned to its usual bickering, Paterson has already proposed his recession-minded budget, weeks ahead of schedule.
Most bizarre to me, the sketch gets a few things just plain wrong. It implies that Paterson is from upstate. He's from Harlem. It also refers to him "loving cocaine," and, yes, he admitted to having done it. How many politicians have admitted that now? Isn't that a requirement for office? He doesn't do it anymore. And the implication that he's often in the middle of sex scandals is a funny idea in itself, considering that the only one who ever reported that he cheated on his wife was him.
Governor Paterson is not perfect, and Saturday Night Live is not evil. Paterson is considering cutting the education budget by nearly $700 million, and SNL put on a vaguely funny sketch about a lamp musical. I can't help but think, though, of those ridiculously low employment numbers for the blind and deaf, and then wonder if Lorne Michaels and company have any idea what it's like to mention the words "partially blind" or "Legally blind" and hear a potential employer's jaw drop from across the room.
David A. Paterson, odd as he may look, is the nation's most prominent advocate for the rights of the disabled. It's offensive enough to make cheap jokes at the expense of his eyesight. It's even worse to reinforce the stereotype that faulty eyes imply a faulty mind.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Fumbling Through the Mailbox
I've been getting some compliments lately on the post from October 22, "Yes, I'm Talking to You."
Amy was astute enough to point out, in a comment, that I'd be considered respectful in Pakistan for "averting my eyes" from elders.
The larger issue, were I to move to Pakistan (and with New York rent prices what they are, who knows?), would be the language thing.
To put it politely, I stink at other languages. I've always had a good ear for accents and such: I can speak French so well, at moments, that it impresses French people. Then they speak back to me, and I have no idea what they're saying. Most Americans could get by in France by reading signs and searching their iPhones for translations. My disadvantage in a foreign country would be considerable. Plus, there's the whole Jew thing.
So, thank you, Amy, but I think I'll stick to the Big Apple.
If you want to add your two senses. leave a comment or email me at notnotblind@hotmail.com.
Amy was astute enough to point out, in a comment, that I'd be considered respectful in Pakistan for "averting my eyes" from elders.
The larger issue, were I to move to Pakistan (and with New York rent prices what they are, who knows?), would be the language thing.
To put it politely, I stink at other languages. I've always had a good ear for accents and such: I can speak French so well, at moments, that it impresses French people. Then they speak back to me, and I have no idea what they're saying. Most Americans could get by in France by reading signs and searching their iPhones for translations. My disadvantage in a foreign country would be considerable. Plus, there's the whole Jew thing.
So, thank you, Amy, but I think I'll stick to the Big Apple.
If you want to add your two senses. leave a comment or email me at notnotblind@hotmail.com.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Poll Results
Thanks to everyone who answered the poll. Here's how it broke down:
Q: How many famous blind and partly blind people can you name?
75% could name less than five
18% could name between five and ten
6% could name more than ten
I could only count six:
Claude Monet
David Paterson
Ray Charles
Stevie Wonder
Blind Sheikh Abdel-Rahman*
Helen Keller
Louis Braille
*You may or may not know that this fine gentleman is a hero to many terrorists. "Famous" does not necessarily mean "good"; Hitler was once named Time's Man of the Year.
Anyway, a comment on the 11/30 post lists some other notable blind and not-not-blind people I hadn't thought of (or heard of, in many cases). For instance, I had no idea that Pulitzer was blind... although if you think about who's gotten his prize for theater, it starts to make sense. Dinner with Friends? Come on!
(Just kidding... blind people have better taste than that.)
Q: How many famous blind and partly blind people can you name?
75% could name less than five
18% could name between five and ten
6% could name more than ten
I could only count six:
Claude Monet
David Paterson
Ray Charles
Stevie Wonder
Blind Sheikh Abdel-Rahman*
Helen Keller
Louis Braille
*You may or may not know that this fine gentleman is a hero to many terrorists. "Famous" does not necessarily mean "good"; Hitler was once named Time's Man of the Year.
Anyway, a comment on the 11/30 post lists some other notable blind and not-not-blind people I hadn't thought of (or heard of, in many cases). For instance, I had no idea that Pulitzer was blind... although if you think about who's gotten his prize for theater, it starts to make sense. Dinner with Friends? Come on!
(Just kidding... blind people have better taste than that.)
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Point of Focus
I just found another legally blind blogger with a LOT to say. He's a photographer and a judo expert with a different condition than mine but a bunch of similar issues. You should check it out:
The Perfect Focus
The current post (dated Nov. 23, 2008) has a great update about iPod accessibility, which answers a few of the questions I had last month. Apparently, Mac has finally given into the throngs of us not-perfect-seers and has decided to include talking menus in the new Nano. Hooray! MacWorld put out a great video, which you can also find at the link above.
I should take this moment to point out that my blog's spell checker doesn't recognize iPod or Nano as actual words. Huh.
The Perfect Focus
The current post (dated Nov. 23, 2008) has a great update about iPod accessibility, which answers a few of the questions I had last month. Apparently, Mac has finally given into the throngs of us not-perfect-seers and has decided to include talking menus in the new Nano. Hooray! MacWorld put out a great video, which you can also find at the link above.
I should take this moment to point out that my blog's spell checker doesn't recognize iPod or Nano as actual words. Huh.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Open Shuttle
Subways are easy for me. Newer trains announce the stops in clear recorded voices, but once you get to know a line, it's easy to know what stop you're at -- and they're usually clearly marked. Also, it's easy to tell where you go after you get out of the train. See staircase. Walk up staircase. Exit through turnstile. You are now above ground.
The one thing that always confuses me, no matter how many times I disembark, is the shuttle from Grand Central to Times Square. This should be the easiest train in the world: it makes two stops, Grand Central and Times Square. Getting out at Grand Central is easy. Getting out at Times Square is not.
Coming away from the shuttle tracks, I see what looks like a sea of fluorescent lights and signs. There are no 90-degree angles. I have enough trouble swapping from dark to light, so lots of bright lights can throw off my directional sense. Walking forward is an act of faith, and walking to the left or right runs the risk of accidentally stepping through a station exit or, heaven forbid, the N/R/Q platform.
After a lot of wending and weaving through the crowd, I end up at the stairs that lead up to the 1/2/3 trains. These stairs are clearly marked with yellow and green, to indicate to weary travelers that, yes, these are steps, and if you continue to walk forward without picking up your feet, you will injure yourself. So don't.
It's great to live in a city that allows you to feel like a human being, even if you don't drive. It feels even better to know that the one place that constantly turns me in circles is the same place that everyone else dreads. Hooray for Times Square and its equal opportunity annoyance.
The one thing that always confuses me, no matter how many times I disembark, is the shuttle from Grand Central to Times Square. This should be the easiest train in the world: it makes two stops, Grand Central and Times Square. Getting out at Grand Central is easy. Getting out at Times Square is not.
Coming away from the shuttle tracks, I see what looks like a sea of fluorescent lights and signs. There are no 90-degree angles. I have enough trouble swapping from dark to light, so lots of bright lights can throw off my directional sense. Walking forward is an act of faith, and walking to the left or right runs the risk of accidentally stepping through a station exit or, heaven forbid, the N/R/Q platform.
After a lot of wending and weaving through the crowd, I end up at the stairs that lead up to the 1/2/3 trains. These stairs are clearly marked with yellow and green, to indicate to weary travelers that, yes, these are steps, and if you continue to walk forward without picking up your feet, you will injure yourself. So don't.
It's great to live in a city that allows you to feel like a human being, even if you don't drive. It feels even better to know that the one place that constantly turns me in circles is the same place that everyone else dreads. Hooray for Times Square and its equal opportunity annoyance.
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